#4 A HEALTHY SEX LIFE BRINGS LIFE TO YOUR RELATIONSHIP:

After reviewing this material on sex in marriage, make sure and check out other topics which can be accessed by clicking on the categories above just below the heading.  The topics of Financial harmony, Expectations, and other areas will be covered.

Sexuality and Marriage:

A positive sex life is a bonding experience.  Healthy sex brings a closeness and a feeling of unity.  The absense of a mutually rewarding sex life creates mistrust, resentment, and a lack of intimacy.  When the sex stops, the marriage will typically be over within a few years.  This best applies to younger and middle age people, but often applies to older people as well.  Healthy sexuality brings life to the relationship in a way nothing else can.  As a marriage ages, the sex life must not die but is often the channel which brings passion back into the relationship.

1. Differing sex drives is a major problem in many marriages.  This must be an area of compromise.  The party being the least interested "must" concede to engaging in sexual activity more often or they will bring damage to the marriage over time;

2. Fatigue is often a problem in maintaining a sexual relationship.  As you find time to eat and sleep, find time to be intimate.  This area of the relationship needs attention just like other essential areas;

3. Anger in the relationship reduces sexual activity.  When one or both partners are angry they need to make adjustments, forgive each other, or get counseling.  Severe anger often has roots in other relationship issues or problems in their past experiences.  Anger often builds up slowly over time.  Learning to forgive a partner on a regular basis is essential to any marriage!

4. Problems in life or the relationship reduce the interest in having a sexual relationship.  This is much like #3, but is more directly related to the immediate, ongoing marriage.  In fact, a couples sexual relationship tells much about their marital relationship.  All people have everyday problems, the inability to deal with life and resolve problems is an essential task.

5. Lack of privacy or very different work schedules can be a problem.  If this is an issue for you, find a cheap motel once a week, find places to have "quickies", or just work really hard to find time and space. Creative couples can almost always find a way or place to express themselves, that practice in itself can add excitement to a marriage.

6. The lack of variety in your sexual practices can reduce interest.  Don't be afraid to try new things.  Body "shame" can often be the culprit.  Check out a "position a day" book and work through it, you may find something you really like!   

Sex is so important to a marriage that it can not be put on a back burner.  Problems must be worked out.  If a problem exists, find a solution before it compromises your relationship.

First, sex is healthy.  It encourages positive blood flow, creates a bonding, reduces hostility, increases unity, helps regulate hormones, helps in weight loss, and will often help in your ability to communicate!  Secondly, sex is good for the body.   Sexually active women have fewer vaginal problems and men reecord having reduced prostate problems!  Above all, those with an active sex life generally have a better self image!

An unsatisfactory sex life does the opposite.  It encourages ill will, opens the door for gratification outside the marriage, and makes it harder to resume a sexual relationship at a later time!

1. Men are usually more visual, women more relational

2. Men respond to sight, women to attitudes and touch

3. Men want to be respected, women want to be loved

4. Men get excited quickly, women more slowly

5. Men tend to be more interested in the experience, women in the commitment and investment

Men and women are usually very different sexually.  This is just how it is!  Accept the differences and enjoy each other. Make it an exciting difference rather than an area which is a source of division.  

Understand that sex is a normal and primary drive.  Don't see it as a bad thing, but as essential to a normal marital relationship;

Work on showing enthusiasm and making your sex life a priority;

Keep it exciting by allowing variety.  Occasionally have a surprise and resist stagnation;

Be honest about feelings and needs.  If you can't be responsive in bed, you are probably not responsive in other areas as well;

Maintain your health and understand that "sexual acitivity" is actually very healthy and good for the body;

This is one of the few areas that is experienced by the couple alone, make it a special place, not one which is unfulfilling;

When a problem occurs, dont let it become a wedge in your relationship but use it to reaffirm your commitment to each other!

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