#9 CONCLUDING STATEMENTS:
Our willingness to understand and respond to problems in our life is critical!
The institution of marriage in the US continues to be challenged at many levels. The divorce rate continues to be high, those living together without the benefit of marriage is growing, the numbers of children without stable households is climbing, and those saying that they are not happy in their marriages is increasing. If there was ever a time to think about these issues and respond to them in our own relationships, now is the time. It's my personal opinion that the reason so many young people don't want to get married is because they have seen so many bad ones. I can't count the times I have heard men talk about the financial and emotional cost of divorce in the presence of younger unmarried men! Why would these younger men want to enter into a contract which holds so many potential problems. Look at the numbers of young divorced women who have children but no husband. Why would a young women look forward to a relationship so potentially problematic. The only solution is to help marriages become more rewarding and fulfilling. Either we work on correcting this momentus problem or we work on helping to resolve it. I plan on doing my small part.
A final thought! I have many books on the topic of marriage or books dealing with specific issues in the marital relationship. Some books are better than other books, however, all have some material which is helpful. No matter how good a book might be, it can be no better than how the principles are applied to an individual relationship. This is true in all areas of the relationship. Consider the topic of finances. Either a couple will live within their budget or above it. If they spend money they don't have, it will catch up to them at some point in time. When it does, there will be a serious problem. Consider the topic of sex. An unsatisfactory sex life will either break down the commitment to the relationship or produce anger in the marriage which will continue to grow until there is a serioius problem of some sort. Would it be easier for the person who is not responding sexually to their partner to deal with the anger or unfaithfulness at a later date, or to make the adjustments so that those other issues don't compromise the relationship? Consider the topic of problem resolution. Would it be easier to learn to deal with the issues necessary to maintain a stable household, or let the problems multiply till there is some sort of serious breakdown which requires an intervention? Marriage is a complex mixture of human nature, personal preferances, social responsibilities, an assortment of random problems which can't be controlled, and issues which result from your own decisions. Either you learn to deal with them effectively, or they have some level of control over you. The better you are able to handle your problems, the less they have power over you. Blaming the other person does not resolve a problem, it just forces the other person to find some way to blame you back! If you have a situation which is in no way your fault, citing your innocence will not resolve the problem. It just gets into the way of finding a resolution. We live in an imperfect world as imperfect people with imperfect solutions. The more we accept the human condition and our imperfect world, the better we can do the best with what we have. There is no question that there are unfair things which have impacted all of us, this again is an inevitable part of life. If your partner does something which has a significant and negative impact on you, again, what's new. This also is an old story told again and again. Within marrige, we either deal with problems and advance to the next level, or step backwards and continue to have to deal with the same problems again and again. We all have to decide which it will be. The more we can accept life's problems, the more willing we become in working on mature resolutions to our problems. The greater our capacity to forgive, forget, and go on, and the more we can learn from past mistakes, the greater success we will have in life and marriage. Denial, blame, becoming a victim, and holding grudges only allow problems to continue without resolution. Success leads to greater success while failure leads to more and greater failures. My hope is that you enjoy your marriage to it's fullest and grow to the fullest extent that you can. Thanks for going through my site and please share it with others.
RESOURCE LINKS BELOW:
www.drphil.com (then go to the bottom of the page and go to: relationships/sex)
www.ehow.com (go to the lower left to "relationships and family")
www.focusonthefamily.com (go to marriage in the lower center of the page)
Thanks for visiting my site.
